Thoughts

God has predestined me to be an extraordinary man. Greatness has its presence in my future. I can feel it, taste it, the thought sometimes causes a manic rage to stir up in my heart, it consumes me, envelops me. I also feel inspired, it feels as though the arc is just around the corner but I have to be weary of my steps; the wrong move could cause irrevocable damage.
I'm torn, not so much torn because the one feeds off the other. My wildest dreams, aspirations and my obligation to my family, to provide. It at times feels as if I'm caught in a whirlwind. I want so badly to chase my passions, my desires, however, I'm not too sure as to what exactly I am passionate about. My greatest desire or goal is to ensure that my children have options as adults; to pursue higher learning, to travel the world and experience different cultures, to ultimately allow nothing to stand between themselves and their dreams. But I too want these things. I too want options. I believe I'm too young to surrender to the role of the sacrificial lamb, who gives up all hope of ever seeing his own plans come to fruition for the greater good of others, to live vicariously through others...the others being my precious offspring.
I have dreams too. It doesn't help that I'm constantly surrounded by images that so closely resemble the life that I envision for myself. I frequently come in contact with executives who have made leaps and bounds up the corporate ladder, business owners who have grappled with the fear of venturing out on their own. I read of poets, politicians, dignitaries, authors, philanthropists, social activists and heirs. Individuals who have devoted their talents to what they were in fact destined, designed and called to do. Not wasting away, grinding it out, but in fact chasing after their heart's desire.
I would love to spend my days reading novels, biographies about prominent and historic figures, writing short stories and poetry, and lending my talents, passion and intellect to the betterment of my community. I don't believe me that lucky. But why not me? Why not fate or destiny shine its smile upon me and radiate me? Have me join the ranks of the few who've had the audacity, the guts, the might, the intestinal fortitude to see their vision become reality. Not only see but participate; become witness to their own anguish, toil, agony, sometimes defeat...only to experience the sweet, satisfying taste of victory. I want to walk amongst those who proclaim, "I am my own boss," who say, "I love what I do." To know in my heart that I'm making a difference. I suppose I am chasing my dreams when I pause and give it considerable thought. It actually began not so long ago...when I woke up one day and found myself to be a husband and a father.

Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.

Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow.
-Dreams, by Langston Hughes