Just Read It...

For the past few years I've lived a life of excess. I knew power...relative to my own experiences. I fed the appetite of my ravenous ego. After a while, though, I began to come down and want simpler things for myself and my family. The "American Dream" is what it's called; earn a significant amount of income; the kind of amount that would afford me the opportunity to pay my bills in full and on time, to take a vacation or two each year, to supply a nest egg for my wife and my winter years, to cover my kids' college expenses.
I don't pretend to know what the future holds, but it seems that God has intended for me to not settle for such a mediocre (for lack of a better word) existence.
I've fought this calling for close to ten years now. It first whispered in my ear at the tender age of 17; an age when most young men are exhausting all efforts to wind up in bed with a willing female conquest...not to say that it was not one of my many desires at the time as well, except it didn't consume me as expected.
I found myself making my way to the front of the church one Sunday morning to proclaim my desire to be baptized and thus form a covenant with the/my Lord Jesus Christ. Born out of this proclamation was a Christian ministry...though humble...it had a profound effect on my outlook on life. I would labor tirelessly over the next 3 years to witness it touch as many as would be willing to be touched by its mission to usher Christ into the lives of the youth that resided in my community. I can remember how tears would stream down my face when I would finally accept the reality on certain nights that no one was going to show up to Bible study...not because of the effort that I put into preparing the lesson or the fact that I willingly opened the door of my home to strangers, but because no one seemed to want to hear about the love, the comfort, the mercy and the grace that God had poured into my life, and was willingly to pour in all others who sought His presence. The young people in the community grew older, and slowly began to grow away.
And here I stand now, trying to eek out a "normal" existence, and God decides to bring up old news; to re-establish a covenant I had long ago put behind me; that I deemed child's play. I have this urge now, this unshakable passion, to participate in change...for the better. I see a young person now and I can't help but think of clay, and how once the Potter's hands begins to shape and mold, there will be no end to the glory that might be achieved. The trouble with being called is that it's not all milk and honey; aches and pains are experienced on a regular basis. It causes strain, stress and despair. There are many moments when you're alone in your fight, with no support; you become mocked and slandered. But somehow, God bestows upon you the strength to bear it all.
Honestly, I'm afraid of what may lie ahead. I'm trying, and not with all my might, to trust in God with all my heart, mind and soul, and I'm struggling to do so. The fools God chooses!